leaving baker, not las vegas

we just barely escaped from hell.

we left for vegas from LA this morning - leaving one freak show for another. we had heard that we had to stop in baker for this gyros place, the "mad greek" - a vegas tradition of some kind. it was lunch time when we went through baker, so we pulled off and parked. the mad greek is truly mad - swarms of vegas types, a weird multicultural menu (gyros, falafel, enchiladas, burgers, horchata, seattle's best coffee), strange signs on the walls ("famous greeks (hellenites)" and "honorary non-greeks"), 11-year old bus boys, an actual SMOKING SECTION in the middle of california, and so on. absolutely insane. the weirdest clientele. everyone looked like mutant people, outlined in neon (i feel like vegas is going to be worse) - like the lizard people in "fear and loathing," to be honest. i think i saw some of every possible kind of person. lots of "mutant road warriors" as dan says - people with bad tans, too many years of wrinkles from the sun, bug-eyed glasses. i felt like i wandered into another planet. i couldn't stop staring at the people around me, and they stared back.

we left the mad greek as soon as our gyros were finished - as soon as we possibly could - and ran for the car and a gas station. (btw, gas is $3 a gallon here!) then we really realized we were in for it. a bunch of 14-year old girls (in juicy couture tops i might add) leaving the coco's next to the gas station (and piling into one of those 9-person ford vans) spotted the horns on our car and started harassing us. "you killed a DEER!" they weren't actually scandalized - they just took the antlers as an excuse to start harassing people from a safe distance. one of them, with a chic feathery haircut, wearing mismatched knee-length striped socks, checkered vans slip-ons, a patchwork skirt and a black tank top, stood there shaking her finger at us. i felt like eloise was disapproving of me in the middle of the goddamn desert. "what did the deer ever do to you?!" she cried, then "you killed bambi's mom!!" dan yelled, "it's a male! at least get your fucking biology straight!" we were surrounded, though, by the freaks of baker and the unabashed assault of the 14-year-olds. we couldn't get out of there fast enough. you don't have to have a trunk full of illegal drugs, a la fear and loathing, to feel like you need to get out of town QUICK, and we blasted the loudest music we possibly could while we blasted the hell out at 90 mph.

deep breaths now, while we prepare for the real freak show.